Used To…

What happens when the thing that used to be your escape no longer brings you peace?

I used to enjoy writing. The thought of blogging excited me. Having an opportunity to share my thoughts with others through my posts made me happy. What a thrill it was to release everything I’ve learned, everything that stretched and strengthened me in my journal entries. Writing helped me organize my thoughts, sort out my ideas and express things that I didn’t know how to articulate but somehow it stopped.

It PAUSED, MUTED, FROZE, YIELED and VANISHED!

Even though my desire to write vanished my thoughts didn’t. My thoughts kept spinning and spinning like a washing machine. I kept getting beaten up by my opinions, thoughts, lessons, commentary, beliefs, perspectives because there was NO RELEASE and NO RELIEF. My thoughts whipping around my head combined with situations and other’s opinions only accelerated the spin cycle. It got faster and faster! My mind spun, my head ached, my emotions were off balance, my body grew numb and I was so overwhelmed to the point where I blacked out.

ALL of the build up led to a black-out which completely wiped-out my memories, my creativity, my peace and my hope!

So when I looked at a website template, empty blog page, a notebook paper and a word document I went blank. I couldn’t recall how or why writing used to be my outlet, my therapist and my escape.

It’s hard to function when that place of safety can no longer give you solace.

I decided it was time to go to God. To give him my pain, my fears, worries and my cares.

It was God’s love that hit the refresh button on my mind and hit stop on the spin cycle. It sparked the Wifi connection, found my missing files, rebooted my hardware and upgraded my software. He helped me realized that fear caused my freedom to freeze. His perfect love cast fear! (1 John 4: 18)

Here lies ALL my FEARS…ALL the fears that spammed and hijacked my passion for writing!

I feared people’s opinions, comments, criticism and feedback.

I feared that I could never be as good as the next writer, blogger or author.

I feared that no one would care, read, like, follow, invest, purchase, support, share, click or enjoy my writing.

I feared that it could garner too much support too soon and too much success is overwhelming.

I feared judgment that if I truly poured my heart out on this blog that it could be stabbed, stomped and squeezed.

I feared that I could never top the last post and I would run out of ideas.

I let fear paralyze me and rob me of my favorite hobby and my peace. The God I serve is far greater than any fear. At the mention of His name, Jesus Christ, all my fears must bow!

His perfect love hugged away my fears! He restored my hope and reminded me of the gift He has given me. So if you are like me battling with fears there is freedom for you! Be encouraged and keep on writing and creating!

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